Holiday humbug

I've been in a bit of a funk lately and have had no motivation to blog. So, sorry if you've checked in to find nothing new. I won't promise to get better at posting, because every time I do, I fail to blog. I hate to break a promise.

I think I'm just in a holiday funk. I've been sick off and on since thanksgiving and it has sucked all of energy out of me.

The kids have been driving me crazy and making my heart swell with love. Sometimes that happens in a 5 minute period.

We have had some super CRANKY moments, both on the babies part and mine. There have been a few days where I am just tired of all of the shit that comes with being a parent. Luckily I have had my hubby there to support and help me out, if I didn't have him there I would have lost my mind.

Then I have this whole other mom issue. I don't have a mother that I can talk to anymore and its really hard not having that during the holidays. My mom always made the holidays and all birthdays very special. And I am sad that I don't have her in my life anymore to share those occasions with. But I will deal with it. She made bad decisions and has lost privileges to my family. She is no longer welcome in my life or my children's life. And truthfully it just sucks all around. The good side of this is that I have gotten rid of the poison in my life and I can keep the memories of her that were good. But sometimes I just want her to be here to hold me and tell me it will be alright. I will never have that again.

You know how you feel, when you are just over it all but you still have to act like you care? I may have those moments from time to time. (like maybe the last month or so) I will get over it. But the holidays always bring the "I don't wannas" out, in full force.

So, as I sit here with a cold, laryngitis and pink eye, I have to remind myself how lucky I am to have everything I have. So in an attempt to cheer myself up here is my list of positives:

1. I have a loving supportive family
2. We have a roof over our head and heat to to keep us warm
3. We have food to eat and nice clothes on our backs
4. We both have jobs
5. We may be short on money but we still have enough to get presents for the kids
6. I have friends that have proved themselves time and time again
7. Even though my babies may be whiny and my big kids may be moody, I am lucky to have them. Some people can't ever have any of their own. For that I am extremely thankful.

I'm sure I have many more, but that's all I can come up with right now. What are you thankful for this holiday season?