Fun time!

One of all of the kids favorite thing to do is to play around on our bed. And now that the twins have figured out how to climb up there by themselves, this seems to be happening more and more. ;) But I do have to throw out a word of caution- If playing with Beck you must guard your face at all times. Or you will end up like his Daddy with a broken nose from someone's very hard head.

I do not know why he has to smile like this but it was like this on almost every single image!
And then I tried for the infamous group shot. You can see how it went:

Hannah and Ella having fun. :)

Ben and Beck wrestling

And Beck showing off his favorite past time activity- unplugging and plugging everything back in. This can be really bad when you are trying to vacuum and this little guy follows you around unplugging and plugging back in your cord.

We have seriously hit the hardest part of the twin stage so far. Its the part we were the most scared of with good reason. 18 months and up is a crazy age in our household. Let me give you a little mental picture of how our house looks within 5 mintues of the twinadoes being up:

kitchen-

all items from the kid cabinet are sprawled over kitchen floor (because you know, what's better than testing all the plates out and deciding you don't like them so throwing them on the floor is even a better idea.)

crumbs from whatever food has been served have been thoroughly ground into rug and tile. (it doesn't matter how many time we sit them back down at their table the crumbs spread miraculously)

little handprints mark the walls with yogurt and ketchup. (remind me again why we chose to paint our kitchen walls with FLAT paint?)

items plucked from trash can are trying to make their way into little mouths without being spotted. (ie- empty chip bag with crumbs brought into the living room, poured out on time out spot and eaten off the floor)

cups are being thrown. (if you don't refill the cup with the first "tantchu" aka thank you they get mad and throw it at you...fun fun fun.)

food is stolen from everyone's plates (by one certain little GIRL). (we think she may have a garbage disposal hidden under her shirt)

trash is inspected by adults to make sure nothing valuable has been thrown in. (we have found many plates, cups, keys, cameras...)

Living room:

Shoes shoes shoes everywhere. (ella takes them out of the baskets and spreads them through the house while grunting at you to put them all on her)

Misc. paper spread everywhere (the twins find any paper they can reach and throw it all over the floor, i think of it as recycled decoration)

crumbs crumbs crumbs.... (i vacuum almost everyday)

wipes wipes everywhere (if you leave a box of wipes in reach they will empty it and spread it all over the house)

and i'm tired just thinking of all of that. we are also chasing, breaking up fights, reading, giggling, watching their brains grow in front of our eyes, learning new words, trying to dress ourselves, etc... It is crazy and busy but we are loving every moment of it. And don't forget the big kids and school/boyscout/girlscout/art/friend related activities.

I wouldn't change one moment of any of the craziness. This is the dream life for me!!!!

Happy birthday Grandma!!!

Good Day, sunshine?!?!?!

ETA: As soon as it came out it went away. Goodbye sunshine...

I think there may be a sun shining outside of my house. It has been cloudy for the past week and half and raining. I think I may have developed SAD from the lack of sunshine. I just want to sleep all the time!!! I am ready for some Fall-ish weather. Bring it on Texas!

Divorce

One of my dear friends finalized her divorce today. I am amazed at all of the feelings that come back when she talks about what she has gone through. It all hits me now, just like the day that it all happened to me.

It has been a little over 4.5 years since my divorce was final. Some days it feels like it all happened yesterday and and other times I can't even believe that I had that life before. But I wouldn't change any part of my life. If I changed anything, my life would most likely not be as wonderful as it is now. Amazingly enough I have no regrets. It is nice, yet strange to be at such peace with my life.

I never even imagined what my life would be like 4 years after my divorce.

I didn't know (even though I thought my life had fallen apart) I would be a stronger person because of it all. I made a choice that I knew I had to make, so that my children would have a better life in the end.

I had my reasons and I know not everyone understands. People who have never been through a divorce, have a really hard time knowing how desperate and disenchanted you have to be to finally go all the way through the process.

I know in this day and age a lot of people see marriage as something you can just get rid of anytime you want. But I don't think they realize the emotional roller coaster you go through when you finally go through it all. If people really thought it out, I think there would be less divorce. I do wish that more people would work on it, so that they wouldn't throw so much away.

But like my circumstances, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. For instance, when one spouse totally gives up and wants nothing to do with the marriage and little to do with the children, there aren't many choices left. People change. Dreams change. Dreams can die.

The worst part about divorce is the death of the dream. The dream to build a life together. To have children and raise them together. To work together through good times and bad. To love each other FOREVER.

When you lose all of that, you lose part of your identity. And you have to rebuild yourself. Luckily most of the time you become a better person. if you allow yourself to accept it all and heal.

It all goes back to my whole zen thing. Accept your situation and move on. Work with what you have, not with what could be. I have been the queen of "I could of done this, or that".

You have to make a conscious effort to get out of that mind set. But you become much happier when you do things with what you have, instead of wishing you could do something and never following through. I still struggle with this from time to time, but my hubby usually helps me recenter and think things out in a different way.

See another positive of getting divorced, I wouldn't of found my soul mate that completes my life. He is my rock and I believe I am his. We even each other out. Our opposite personalities work well together. They didn't always though. We have had to work SO HARD to get to this point. But after having a marriage where everything came so easily and then disintegrated before my eyes, I was ready to fight for what I really wanted.

Okay enough of my novel today. So many thoughts on my mind.

But to my dear friend- I love you, and it will all get better. Just give it some time. And in the mean time we will take you out and shower you with the love you deserve. Before you know it you will feel whole again and be even more amazing than you already are. You are a SUPER STAR!!!!

Time to get back to Zen

Lately, I have been in a bit of an antisocial funk. I couldn't figure out what the problem was.

I go through this a couple of times a year. And I find that I have to recenter myself to get back to normal.

I have noticed that quite a few of my friends go through this as well from time to time. Even my husband goes through it.

We get caught up with everything we should be doing, should be buying, should be watching, etc. We forget the simple basics that we need to survive. Materialism takes over and you want want want all the time. Its all about keeping up with the Joneses. It's the "American Dream".

But then you realize that this materialism, this dream, all of the standards you have put upon yourself, are all pulling you down. You stress when the money doesn't come in the way it should. But you forget that you have always been able to make it work some way in the past.

And your whole life starts to feel like its falling in on its self. You forget what you were really looking for.

My own personal dreams and goals for my life were to find a man I loved, have wonderful children I could fully enjoy, help others, and live a comfortable yet simple life. Most of all, my dream was to not worry about what anyone else thought and just to be happy with who I was, and to be true to myself.

When I start to feel down I can get into a rut where I can't see that dream anymore. I can almost forget that I ever had the dream. And then all of a sudden, something will spark a distant memory and I remember my original goal.

So, I go back to find my Zen self. I stop thinking about everyone's expectations for me, and focus on what I need to do for myself. Because if you aren't happy with yourself, you can't truly succeed.

I really wonder how many people out there are truly happy. Does having money make your life easier or more complicated? Does it give you the love and satisfaction you've been looking for?

I have found the times (and there have been many) I have been poorer in my life I seem to have been happier. Yes, I get stressed when I don't have money to pay the bills. I hate it when I can't go on all of the trips my friends get to go on. But I know that someday I will be able to do all of that. And I take my down time and enjoy it. It lets me focus on the basics and what my children are thinking and doing. I cherish those moments.

I believe in teaching by example to my children. I am not a perfect person by any stretch of the mind. I have my faults just like everyone else.

But I like to think that from time to time, I do get it right and those rights will all add up to teach my children how to be better people. And all the other times I hope my children will learn from my mistakes. I know they will probably make some of the same mistakes but they will know that you can work through them and come out positive in the end.

Okay my rambling has gone on long enough. I don't even know if anyone will read this or if it makes any sense. But it just helps to write it down so that I can remind myself to enjoy EVERY moment in life. Not to let the little things get me down. And to focus on the positives in life, so that I can make it through the negatives. Easy to say, hard to do. Thoughts?

Visit to Great Granny's house

Photo Friday