Divorce

One of my dear friends finalized her divorce today. I am amazed at all of the feelings that come back when she talks about what she has gone through. It all hits me now, just like the day that it all happened to me.

It has been a little over 4.5 years since my divorce was final. Some days it feels like it all happened yesterday and and other times I can't even believe that I had that life before. But I wouldn't change any part of my life. If I changed anything, my life would most likely not be as wonderful as it is now. Amazingly enough I have no regrets. It is nice, yet strange to be at such peace with my life.

I never even imagined what my life would be like 4 years after my divorce.

I didn't know (even though I thought my life had fallen apart) I would be a stronger person because of it all. I made a choice that I knew I had to make, so that my children would have a better life in the end.

I had my reasons and I know not everyone understands. People who have never been through a divorce, have a really hard time knowing how desperate and disenchanted you have to be to finally go all the way through the process.

I know in this day and age a lot of people see marriage as something you can just get rid of anytime you want. But I don't think they realize the emotional roller coaster you go through when you finally go through it all. If people really thought it out, I think there would be less divorce. I do wish that more people would work on it, so that they wouldn't throw so much away.

But like my circumstances, sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do. For instance, when one spouse totally gives up and wants nothing to do with the marriage and little to do with the children, there aren't many choices left. People change. Dreams change. Dreams can die.

The worst part about divorce is the death of the dream. The dream to build a life together. To have children and raise them together. To work together through good times and bad. To love each other FOREVER.

When you lose all of that, you lose part of your identity. And you have to rebuild yourself. Luckily most of the time you become a better person. if you allow yourself to accept it all and heal.

It all goes back to my whole zen thing. Accept your situation and move on. Work with what you have, not with what could be. I have been the queen of "I could of done this, or that".

You have to make a conscious effort to get out of that mind set. But you become much happier when you do things with what you have, instead of wishing you could do something and never following through. I still struggle with this from time to time, but my hubby usually helps me recenter and think things out in a different way.

See another positive of getting divorced, I wouldn't of found my soul mate that completes my life. He is my rock and I believe I am his. We even each other out. Our opposite personalities work well together. They didn't always though. We have had to work SO HARD to get to this point. But after having a marriage where everything came so easily and then disintegrated before my eyes, I was ready to fight for what I really wanted.

Okay enough of my novel today. So many thoughts on my mind.

But to my dear friend- I love you, and it will all get better. Just give it some time. And in the mean time we will take you out and shower you with the love you deserve. Before you know it you will feel whole again and be even more amazing than you already are. You are a SUPER STAR!!!!