Monday, September 14, 2009

Time to get back to Zen

Lately, I have been in a bit of an antisocial funk. I couldn't figure out what the problem was.

I go through this a couple of times a year. And I find that I have to recenter myself to get back to normal.

I have noticed that quite a few of my friends go through this as well from time to time. Even my husband goes through it.

We get caught up with everything we should be doing, should be buying, should be watching, etc. We forget the simple basics that we need to survive. Materialism takes over and you want want want all the time. Its all about keeping up with the Joneses. It's the "American Dream".

But then you realize that this materialism, this dream, all of the standards you have put upon yourself, are all pulling you down. You stress when the money doesn't come in the way it should. But you forget that you have always been able to make it work some way in the past.

And your whole life starts to feel like its falling in on its self. You forget what you were really looking for.

My own personal dreams and goals for my life were to find a man I loved, have wonderful children I could fully enjoy, help others, and live a comfortable yet simple life. Most of all, my dream was to not worry about what anyone else thought and just to be happy with who I was, and to be true to myself.

When I start to feel down I can get into a rut where I can't see that dream anymore. I can almost forget that I ever had the dream. And then all of a sudden, something will spark a distant memory and I remember my original goal.

So, I go back to find my Zen self. I stop thinking about everyone's expectations for me, and focus on what I need to do for myself. Because if you aren't happy with yourself, you can't truly succeed.

I really wonder how many people out there are truly happy. Does having money make your life easier or more complicated? Does it give you the love and satisfaction you've been looking for?

I have found the times (and there have been many) I have been poorer in my life I seem to have been happier. Yes, I get stressed when I don't have money to pay the bills. I hate it when I can't go on all of the trips my friends get to go on. But I know that someday I will be able to do all of that. And I take my down time and enjoy it. It lets me focus on the basics and what my children are thinking and doing. I cherish those moments.

I believe in teaching by example to my children. I am not a perfect person by any stretch of the mind. I have my faults just like everyone else.

But I like to think that from time to time, I do get it right and those rights will all add up to teach my children how to be better people. And all the other times I hope my children will learn from my mistakes. I know they will probably make some of the same mistakes but they will know that you can work through them and come out positive in the end.

Okay my rambling has gone on long enough. I don't even know if anyone will read this or if it makes any sense. But it just helps to write it down so that I can remind myself to enjoy EVERY moment in life. Not to let the little things get me down. And to focus on the positives in life, so that I can make it through the negatives. Easy to say, hard to do. Thoughts?

11 comments:

BMom said...

You are most amazing! I watched you love your children this afternoon and it was a very special time for me.

4kids4me said...

wow...just what i need to hear today. times have been financially tight for my family and i think i just need to stop and put things into perspective! we have more than we need...now just to be happy with what we have! Thank you for the uplifting post...I am usually a lurker, but had to respond tonite!

Debbie said...

4kids4me- thank you so much for commenting. I seriously will sit and tell myself, we have a roof over our head, we don't have a dirt floor, and we have food in our pantry even if we don't like it. And then I purge and simplify. And I usually feel so much better. And when I have to pick the bills to pay I choose the most important ones that will keep us under a roof and pay the rest when I can. It all works out in the end somehow.

BMom- Love you!

The Nanny said...

I totally get this. Thank you! :)

Christina said...

De lurking,

Been following since your pregnancy with your twins, thinking how thankful I was to avoid the complications that could happen durring a twin pregnancy and birth...and then I got pregnant last summer and the baby makes 6 turned in babies make 7 more girls though on my end.

Your post makes complete sense, at my time in life I am not rich I live quite below the "poverty line" although i do not see it at all, I only want to keep up with the jonses in washer/dryers and dishwasher(just got that one) to me staying at home with the kids brings me my happiness, and myself I just am starting to get out of ma funk, this time I went so far as to post a note for anyone to bug off(well except not my close friends they new to avoid it) I think we all need the time as a way of regrouping in life.
My kids once new a life with TV and gameboys and technology stuff, they are happier now without any of that no Tv nothing (except the laptop a major chocie for while I was gone inpatient and 6 hours from my kids) my bills are simple the phone and hydro and rent, (internet is paid by the school board!!!!) There are days I want for the best money could buy, but all I have to do is sit back and relize what I do have that money can not buy...now that I have written a novel I am off to do another feed, and 13 months ago I wnder how you were managing boy do I now understand

Anonymous said...

You aren't alone in your feelings. I find that I sometimes struggle with wanting more and more and more. I really have to talk myself down. Look around at what I do have and be content with that. My husband works so very hard for me to be able to stay at home with my kids. That should be enough. And it is. We are fortunate. I have a wonderful loving husband and two healthy happy well adjusted kids. That is really all I need. Everything else is just extra. When others are buying new homes, I have to remind myself of that. When others are going on two week holidays to Europe- I really have to remind myself of that. LOL. I think it is completely normal. I think the problems come when you get too wrapped in what others are doing and you find yourself unsatisfied with your life. Being able to bring yourself back- that's a good thing. And not everyone is good at reassessing and changing their outlook. So good on you. :)

Jacki said...

You are a wonderful person and I suspect that many people reading your post needed the reminder to seek internal happiness and the rest will fall into place, so genuine and spoken from the heart. Thank you...

The Houser's said...

I really needed to read this today. I get so wrapped up in everything and the fact that I need to slow down and let it all work itself out doesn't help in the in the "not getting worked up" department;( So thanks for your words today!

MamaStotch said...

So well said, and so worth passing on to others. The little things are what make life so beautiful and so worthwhile, and it's so easy to lose sight of that when you live in an area such as ours. Collin County, Texas is the land of the wealthy, where money flows freely without a second thought and it's all about "ME" and "MINE". You and Brandon work hard to raise your children with a better outlook (and I hope I'm doing the same with mine!), and I love you guys for the blessings that you are. Thank you for putting these words on (virtual) paper...so many people need to hear this.

Kelly said...

I love this post! I get so caught up in this too and I hate it. When I was single with my kids and pretty broke it did seem that I was much happier because life was very simple. If I had enough money to put food on the table that made me happy. I am remarried now and like I said I get caught up in what I should have now that I am remarried. I literally have to talk myself out of it and say I have what I need. What we want and need are 2 totally different things. Yes it all works itself out in the long run. I was telling my husband that last night as we didn't have enough money to pay all the bills. I take the attitude of oh it will get paid and he hates that. I try to share with him my experiences and of course he is male and does not listen. Money doesn't make you happy.

Me said...

This is why I love you. And the struggle is part of the beauty. You will appreciate those vacations so much more than many people would.

xoxoxoxo